I really love my African History teacher. We're talking about DeBeers Diamonds (DeBeers is creeeeepy, omg) But now he's giving us all of the information on marketing and he was like "Well, okay, what happens when you're engaged and it all falls apart. You cheat on her, and she doesn't understand. She cheats on you. She's a skank." And then he just kept going.

also, I hate diamonds. I'm not going to say it's necessarily because they aren't pretty (I do like shiny things. A lot) But morally, I am opposed. Very opposed. But no gem stones are "clean".

well, Idk if I've posted this but Trillian has cemented Tigger's hatred of her. Tigger has a very expressive tail. Trill likes things that flick and move. It doesn't quite end well. Thursday night was munch night. Amy and I couldn't stay long :( We ended up getting Middle Eastern food.

However, once we wre leaving the Middle Eastern food restaurant, I tripped over my chair and took an amazing fall. Amy couldn't stop laughing. Julia made fun of me because heeled boots make me walk weirdly.

Nobody was made of grace that night, though, lol. Once we were home, Amy tripped on the stairs while carrying a bunch of shit. Then, I was upstairs and Trillian will perch on my shoulder or climb up to sit on my ass while I am leaning over to apply make up. I carried her upstairs, with her still perched on my shoulder and she fell off. I yelped because hello~ claws. Amy came in like OMG WHAT DID YOU KILL YOURSELF (or something) and we both loled because the cat fell.

Ummm. I hate being lactose intolerant.

I also hate homework. It wasn't so hard last semester :( but right now I'm like "hurrrr, homework?"

How's this for fashion: a green hooded sweat shirt, a red tank top, and shades of blue plaid flannel pajama bottoms? At least I'm not wearing my hot pink, white, and black plaid bathrobe over this as well. Amy and her mom managed to find the sweater, though, and I am like "omg yay" because it's amazingly comfortable- light without being too light, and warm without being itchy &hearts

The Snowpocalypse is supposed to hit Michigan Monday night, I think, so um think good thoughts for a snow day.

Idk if I mentioned, but my blood pressure was Through the Roof when I was sick last time around. I went to the Health Day at LCC and got my BP taken. High side of healthy, I think, so yay? I guess I need to keep an eye on it, but we keep forgetting because I wanted to watch for two weeks to see if I do need ~medical intervention~ or no.

I've finally managed to leave the booj, and in good time apparently (re: sf_d's latest booju post).

...sitting upstairs is no more effective for me doing homework than spreading out in bed.

This is a good place to start and TV Tropes - Sword of Truth.

I'm doing much of this review from memory because I am morally against burning of bad fantasy books though the temptation is very high. It took me two years to actually finish the book, and finally I did finish it because it was the only thing I had at the Houston air-port coming back from visiting Colby.

So onto a rough review of the book/TV series: The characters in the first book are Richard Cypher, Kahlan Amnell, and Zeddicus Zuul Zorander (lolwhat?). The bad guy is Darken Rahl. Do you see what he did there? Yeah, me too.

Another important character is Denna something or other. She's a Mord-Sith. She wears head to toe red leather. If she had succeeded in killing Richard I might do something indecent to a fictional character.

Blah-blah-blah Darken Rahl is evil, Richard is good and perfect. He's a Gary Stu (is that still the fandom word for male Mary Sue?). He has to get ~in touch~ with his raeg to wield the Sword of Truth (phallic much?). Darken Rahl is... the Bad Guy. That's all there is to him. At the beginning of the book, it's clear that Goodkind wants to write a book where you realize that even the bad guys think they're doing good (ironically, though fans of the books seem to hate the TV series, this comes out better in the show- Rahl comes across as a Machiavellian dictator- attempting to forge peace at any cost. Then, he kills a kitten so). However, one doesn't pretend one is doing "good" when your BFF and top advisor is a notable child molester and serial child killer. Just fyi.

I can't really think of Richard being all that interesting. The most interesting thing about him in the TV series is that he's pretty~. Other than supposably being ~amazing~ because he is The Seeker of Truth (lol), he's not all that special characterization wise. Wait, no, he's a fucking bastard. He kicks a little girl in the face because she's ~evil~ and like breaks her jaw or something? Idk. But she's a 8yo little shit... but um kicking 8 year olds in the face is generally a Bad Thing (I didn't even remember this until I skimmed the TV Tropes page telling you how completely bland he was).

His untouchable girlfriend, though, is Kahlan Amnell. Through Kahlan and later Denna the Mord-Sith, you see how completely fucked up Goodkind's views on women, sex, and love is. Kahlan is what is called the "Mother Confessor". And actually the last of her kind- this pings me wrong but I'm not sure how. I do, however, know why the Confessors ping me as WTF is wrong with you: they make their victims love them unconditionally and with obsession. Then, when they are ready to bear more little Confessor children, they Confess a "mate" and rape him repeatedly.

I'm not sure I can explain what it is that makes me go DO NOT WANT about it (other than the rape-y mcraper ladies) but it carries with it this feeling of loving a woman being this terrible, terrifying thing that is forced upon men and they are nothing but slavering beasts for their... women. Literally with one guy, who turns into a wolf? (Idek).

The Confessors can even do something where they basically Beserk and go crazy and kill everyone in the room and then a few.

Then! There are the Mord-Sith. They are the exact opposite of the Confessors. They are broken, over and over again until they are stone cold bitches in red leather and the dominatrix ponytail. The most visible Mord-Sith is Denna. She manages to capture Richard and proceeds to "break" him. In the books, he's actually pretty damn broken but in the TV series he's still going noo Kahlan. So Denna breaks him and she's all like fuck yeah, he's broken only then he like kills her? because he loves her and doesn't want her to suffer anymore or something? Idk. I don't remember and I was just like WTF.

Again, fucked up ideas on women and love.

This doesn't even make any sense. I wanted to have a quick, smooth review of it but instead I'm still WTFing over it as I remember it piece by piece.

So, I'm a total clothes horse. Like, I would gladly spend a gazillion and one dollars on clothing and it still wouldn't be enough (which kinda a lot explains my SecondLife wardrobe =x.) And I'm doing some basic, rounding out my wardrobe for the rest of winter and spring shopping... only everything for fat girls is even more fug than usual. Meeeh. Old Navy got rid of their awesome jeans, Lane Bryant has like minimal jeans that look good/fit well. All of the blouses are these "bold" colors and patterns that make me wonder wtf their designers are smoking.

Amy needs to send me a picture of the OMGWHAAAAT? that we came across when doing my jeans shopping. It was scary~ like she was wearing a sack and I was wearing a curtain.

Ummm. Anybody familiar with ontd_p? Does box_in_the_box make your skin crawl? Because I always feel vaguely nauseated when I finish with many of his comments. He reminds me of the Open Source Boob Project guy.

Idk why I'm posting. Mostly to bitch about... stuff. /bitchbitchmoan.

We are getting the "how to write a paper" spiel because apparently nobody can write a damn paper and I'm goofing off now. Well, he teaches really basic US History classes and he said one common thesis he gets is: "Slavery is bad" and he was telling us that it was beyond difficult to not write "no shit" alongside that thesis.

This reminds me that I need to rework my thesis format. I tend to do background- one or two paragraphs- then a thesis paragraph. Idk why, but nobody ever likes my thesis format :(

I'm getting meeeeeeeeh about RPB D:. I'm probably at the home stretch (cutting out all of the OMGYAY sidetracks so I can edit them in at a later date), but I'm just like omg finish already on one hand and the other is "But I've been working on this for six months, it can't be over!" and the other part is "I'm not good enough to finish this. Once I'm finished writing, I have to edit it and then... whargarble."

which is probably why I have random ideas popping up now. One of them is to work on Red Hyacinth (haven't seen that name in a while), I had one idea from high school pop up- that was kinda trippy. Ummm. But the idea that's sticking around long enough is a conglomeration of ideas.

Idea 1) A Queen and her brother are the last of her line. They are in a bloody war where the royals are getting popped off and when her younger sister- the heir because the Queen doesn't have any kids- dies, the Queen goes to her BFF and they set up a plan for both of them to get knocked up by different men so no matter what, a child/heir will be born even if something happens to the Queen or the Prince.

Idea 2) I've had an idea in my head about a fairy tale princess and a crow. The idea began around a princess who has her voice stolen- for every word she speaks, she loses that emotion. So she probably first loses like sadness or happiness or something that you can't control. Well, the Crow is given her anger. He is a talking crow! so people are like hot damn a talking crow, let's go put him on display :D and he gets taken away. Or he was never there? I don't know yet/I don't remember what the plan was. Anyways, it was also playing with the concept of the selkies because he can now take his "skin" on and off again- get a human form or be a bird.

Umm, he ends up with a mage of some sort and a beserker. I know that the beserker was going to end up getting the crow's skin because he hated what he was/did, but Idk now.

Idea 3: A blind artisan and a magic sword. In this, which can be a side to any of the three so far, a short story, or a side story. The blind artisan creates shields, however once he created or summoned a sword and to do so, he had to sacrifice something and it ended up being his eyes, which take the form of two emeralds on the hilt. I temporarily want it to be part of the crow story if only because I was writing it the first time that the crow pretended to have a thing for eyes to freak people out but he really does have a thing for shiny objects- like emeralds.

Random thoughts- again, more stuff that doesn't take an individual post each but I feel like posting anyhow.

Um, yesterday Amy and I were talking Religion. Usually, this ends with me going "um. I am not religious. Idgi." But instead, it ended with me taking a metaphor and running far past the "this was a good idea" line. -sheepish-

It started with us talking about the Muslim headscarf and blahblahblah what I think about it, what she's actually learned about it (she took two or three classes on Middle Eastern history), but then I was like "Well, even in Christianity there are rules to be modest. Someone wrote that Jesus felt anybody who inspired lustful thoughts is as guilty as the person thinking lustful thoughts who is as guilty as the person actually sticking it in someone they're not married to."

And we're sitting there for a moment and I'm just like "wait, wasn't that Paul? He was the one who was like so gay he hated everybody or um..." And we sat there for an awkward moment and I was trying to find a way to phrase "Or he just hated everyone for no good reason."

And I know like nothing about Catholicism except that it confuses the Hell out of me (transubstantiation is literally figuratively true or figuaratively literally true. But it really happens... only metaphorically but really). Idk. It's like philosophy, which while taking a modern philosophy course I am increasingly convinced you do have to be stoned out of your mind to think these are a good idea. It doesn't help that someone we're studying was buddies with Benjamin Franklin.

So then we started talking about the first Pope and Amy explains that Peter was in fact the first Pope and not Paul, and Paul was the one who wrote letters to everybody...

yeah, I came to the conclusion that Paul was the guy who wrote letters to the editor every week, only then I took it too far and it was like something about him being the owner's friend or something and if you didn't print his letters you'd go to Hell get shut down.

Idk. I was amused, even if I took the metaphor out back and ran it over a few times before shooting it.

Whargarble. I keep starting posts and going you know what, nevermind. Like the bitching about people who bitch about other people not knowing when they've been removed from their flist until they get curious and hover their mouse over their screen name and it's like "you are a friend of this person, but you are a dumb shmuck and they are no longer friended with you :D". Me? Annoyed? No, never. And it's a stupid reason to be annoyed, but whatever.

Then I also had a post musing about how African sci-fi would differ from Western Sci-fi because we have this overwhelming feeling of "we will prevail!" because in all of the wars we've fought the "good guys" (aka our side) won. Then, Africans are from a completely different cultural experience and it was just curiosity that I mused over.

Anyways, what actually made me post today is WHY DO MEN WANT TO BE BROKEN DOWN TO NOTHING BUT THE COCK? Caps lock of WTF are important here. Because, really, do men have that little opinion of themselves?

Then, on the other hand, if men think with their cocks, why aren't they the ones that are carefully observed and patted on the head, and that's okay, honey, math is really hard for men when every time you write a 4, you giggle because it looks phallic, and really you don't need to go to the test tubes. Yes, it might fit in there but you don't want it to get stuck.

Much of the oppression of women comes from assuming that women are incompetant, and now men blatantly dance around going "Look at me, I'm incompetent!" and they are still considered better and more powerful than women who do not.

I was about to start weaving in the final steps of RPB only to realize I never properly set in the main parts of it, then also I don't have a very solid grip on some of the side characters, and most of the plot so far is "Cassidy does shit, nevermind these side characters that I want to be awesome." So, I get to try to develop side characters from Cass's point of view. In later drafts, I want it to be clear that Cass is the one that typically is the side-kick, she just happens to be the hero/protagonist/chick. She is accident prone, not all that bright sometimes, impetuous, immature, and rather inclined to getting in trouble. In other words, I want her to be genuinely flawed.

Time is all woo weird right now because I am le sick -coughcoughhackdies- I am so sick that Diane was like ":( you didn't sleep well?" and I was "No I slept fine! I had Nyquil!" only to realize I'd slept like crap because I'd accidentally taken the Dayquil. Fucking medicine cabinet. None of this is actually relevant to anything so much as me bitching.

But sometime um this week, someone on my flist posted one of those survey things. (Fairly certain it was um mikya) and I was going to fill it out just for one answer. It was something like "If you could change one physical thing about yourself, what would it be?" and I wanted to fill out this entire, rambling survey to answer that one question with: "my lack of superpowers."

I am highly displeased that I have no superpowers.

I don't know if I should cut this or not. It's another one of those posts that may trigger someone but I am working on being open with my life.

I've been thinking about my parents again, probably because I messaged my mom last night and we talked. Not much, in fact we just discussed our mutual suppers and she updated me on Tim, Sierra and Krystal. I don't know why I keep in contact with her other than Tyler and honestly, for a tenuous connection with Krystal, because I'll be honest when I say I think I'm the only option that baby girl has for sanity.

And, I talked with shipwreck_light a couple weeks ago about how physically abused kids can still be submissive to a degree (not like... blaming you or saying you triggered me or anything, it just made me start thinking- initially, I was going to finish those thoughts in a post, but this ended up... differently)

I don't know if this post is going to make any sense.

The first time I knew there was something deeply, deeply wrong with the way I was raised was during one of my high school english classes. We had to read Breathing Underwater for class. It was from the point of view of an male, teenaged, abuser, who was continuing the cycle of abuse.

I agreed with the narrator a lot. In the absolute core of myself, I thought "well, if she knew it would set you off, she shouldn't have. You can't be blamed for losing your temper."

Losing your temper, losing his temper, can't be blamed. It was just once. Twice. a couple bruises. Nobody will see. Nobody did see. Nobody noticed.

venski sent me links to some letters we wrote in middle/early high school. I seemed so normal. Not really normal, but in the crazy somewhat manic way that is indicative of young teenagers. No matter how mature teens think they are, they really aren't. But I never said anything about my parents. Well, I mentioned being grounded once. But I can't tell I can't remember I don't know if it was because I just didn't want to talk about what was happening at home, or if nothing was happening at home.

I don't have consistant memories of being a kid, but who does? But then, who has to remind themselves of the time they were beaten until they bruised to make sure they understand that yes, it was abuse. Who has to remember all of the thoughts and lies to prevent being beaten this time. When I read my CPS reports, I said that it felt as though Daddy "drugged me so I wouldn't remember the bad times." Now, I'm fairly certain he wasn't drugging me but I don't know what.

Dad said that he had beaten me with a belt? Or that he'd never used the leash before, and I'd been wearing a skirt! That's why I'd bruised so badly.

I laughed. I think. When I read that. I don't remember what I wore, but he had used that fucking dog leash on us (a quarter inch nylon dog leash) a lot. It was his goddamn favorite thing to use.

I don't know.

I don't know what I was doing with this post, but I'm going to post it anyways.

I think Trill has spent too much time with Murphy. She stole my pen, waited for me to put it back where I wanted it before she stole it again. Also, Murphy has seen me with the cats too much because he wanted me to hold him~ and he tried to put his big butt on my chest. Trill also hates being locked in my bedroom, but she's a wiggle worm and an explorer kitten so I cannot let her out into the general room or she'd like fall off of the dresser and flail a lot.

I'm working on RPB. I stopped writing for the last week or so, just poking at words, and I'm trying to start working on it again. I'm a bit of a lot behind on my GYWO challenge, but that's ok because it's just to remind me of what I can do and how much I can write.

At this point, I'm going to start going through RPB and find the random things that I can draw into subplots on the next draft. I already see foreshadowing that I forgot where it went, or that I hadn't thought of the implications to, as well as dead end sub-plots that I can maybe draw out more. One thing I hate about my style of rough drafting is how much space there is that needs to be filled in. It's overwhelming to think about how much I have to do on the next draft. -flails-

FGDR is jumping and lurching on a start. I'm not sure where to start her story, and I'm not sure of her name, either. I've liked the name "Kenna" since I started, but it's stopped being as awesome- probably because of the "Chloe, Cassidy, Kenna... gdi." I'm looking at Aisling as an option, trying on the name for size as well as a much later starting point. The thing is that FMC gets started on the whole dragon riding business by sneaking in to see the dragons- and I wanted to start then, or I could start a couple days before that with her seeing the dragons arrive while she's hanging out with her brother, ooor I could skim past all of that and start with her already at training. Idk yet, but of all of the jumpy starts I've had, the one with her already in training is the one that's going the most.

Umm. Some stuff has happened in the last couple of days that I haven't posted about much. I've been trying to stay off of LJ some. Trillian went to the vet to get spayed. Wendy thinks that her liver enzyme things are just naturally high- they were just out of the "adult cat" range. I'll keep keeping an eye on her and I'll try to keep in contact with a vet to get her blood tested every couple of months. Idk.

Umm. I was really worried about her. And I missed her, even though she was only gone one night. It was so weird to not have her there :(

Also, Colby is getting engaged. It's... crazy. Utterly crazy.

So turns out that my myth class? Won't work out because it's about ~archetypes~ and I do not like archetypes. /bitching and moaning. Bah. This is okay, though, because I have two v. annoying classmates who were like "yay, another fat girl :D". They were loud. The good news is that I can drop the class and take "Conflict in South Africa" with my teacher from African History. I really liked Kevin so whee.

However, on a more serious note: I have to call the vet as soon as I am concious tomorrow morning because Trill might be going into heat. I'm hoping that she was more "Ma, look what I can do!" than... actually going into heat. D: Idk what I will do if her test results aren't okay :(. I don't want my baby kitten to die on the table and the idea of that freaks me the fuck out.

And Marduk went "Hm. I need to do a checkDisk today." Again, freaking out. Everything looks ok but ARGH.

I just heard someone shout "OH MY GOD VOLDEMORT." I looked and didn't see him :(

I like Philosophy. Need to finish talking with Julia about what we are doing book and workbook-wise. (Text me when you see this). I'm working on balancing Zephyr with paying attention in class. It's hard to keep the internet running and a word processor, so as long as I remember to only have the word processor going I should be okay.

I'm talking to Colby's girlfriend online and she seems remarkably... normal. Like normally normal. Scarily normal. Nice and normal. I'm waiting for the lurking crazy to come out.

Still talking to her. Still normal. She wants to be a SAHM and um. Idk. I'm just going "she's so... friendly. And um. Cheerful and IT'S 8AM WHERE YOU ARE, SHUT UP AND STOP BEING SO CHIRPY."

Idk if I like her or not, though.

First, I wanted to say thank you all of you who commented and responded to my poll &hearts

Second yay technology. Idk if that's first, second, or awesome. New cellphone is cute! Now, if only I used it beyond the basic "oh hai, this is a phone" purposes.

Random pictures below the cut, Trillian, technology, etc.

( Pictures because Stephy is a dork )

I got a little Asus mini. It's so cute and delicate! I can't do much more than some internets browsing but I don't care~ I don't want to do too much because this is my mobile laptop (for comparison's sake: My Toshiba is a 17 or 18 inch screen and my mini, currently named Zephyr, is a 12.1). I contemplated getting one of the 10 inch computers but this is great for typing. I only have to hesistate a bit that is because I am unsure of where all of my keys ought to be.

I also got a new phone. I lost mine sometime in December. If I ought to have your phone number plz PM me or email (marshmallow.martian@gmail). I am tempted to get an email/GTalk address that's just for my mini so people know whether or not I am in class but that would be a lot of work to maintain.

I got the idea from buggrit_1979 and was curious. Plz answer my questions?

Poll #1508960 health insurance
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 19

Do you have health insurance?

With your current insurance, can you afford the healthcare you need?

What kind of insurance do you have?

eta: ffff I forgot the "n/a - no insurance" for the last question.

I'm airing my opinions and I'm getting bloody fucking tired of the wank around it so if you'd like to argue over it, please not now? badlydrawnjeff is trolltastic in sf_d right now but he's making me want to... Idk. Be very, very violent. Like punch someone through the internets violent. I can't even throw a proper punch but I'd be willing to break a knuckle or three of I could break his face right now.

There are two things very wrong with our system right now.

First: I find it inconceivable that my health is for profit. That my body is for profit and my life is for profit. People expect me to pay them for my life. This is something I can't explain, because hospitals need to cover operating costs, doctors need to pay their mortgage, but I am expected to pay someone for the privilege of living.

Seconds: Our healthcare plan is being decided by people who have some of the best life time health care benefits in the fucking world and they won't lose a precious night's sleep worrying about whether or not they can afford to go to the doctor for a stubbed toe while others are hoping they can sleep off pneumonia.

Random updates that I'm typing as I think of them, so nonsensicalness may abound.

Umm. I don't know how to make Trillian stop clawing at me :(. Last night, she woke me up going "Oooh, vulnerable back flesh -shreds-" and she stopped cuddling because I'd yelped and thrashed because uuuuh that hurrrrrts omg.

Last weekend, I met Julia's girlfriend. She seems nice. Tuesday, Amy, Julia, Rachel, and I all went to see Avatar, then we went to the Japanese steakhouse.

Avatar was pretty. I realized after watching it that's exactly what people's reactions to it were, lol. "I don't care that the plot was lame! It was so pretty!!!" Noble savagex1000. It seemed like James Cameron finished the script and someone poked him and was like "hurrr, do you realize you wrote the noble savage?" he went OH SHIT and wrote in this thing about literal connections to the earth (everything being interconnected due to um like Idk?). The side characters were the interesting ones, because the main ones were: "Protagonist" is a young man with a flaw of some sort and this makes him "unique" (the wheelchair), and "protagonist's girlfriend." Oh, and Pocahontas' boyfriend from the Disney movie, lol. Oh, and "muscle bound soldier intent to destroy everyone~". Apparently, people think that the movie is digging at conservatives left and right. I guess it makes sense if you draw crazy conclusions like the company on Pandora is comparable to a defense contractor.

I wikied Blackwater and D: faced because something like 2/3rds of their business is due to no bid contracts and gyah. One thing that I read in a newspaper? I think, or a magazine. Or I heard it on the radio is the complete lack of variety in the defense business, so much that even if one company is denied a bid due to past misbehavior, they can still be given parts of it due to the incestuous nature of the defense industry in the United States as a subcontractor.